June 21, 2008

Just not feeling it

So the last few days I have really wanted to try and apply for the WIP design team. I sit down and try to create something and it just doesn't happen. I just don't feel the love for scrapping any more. Don't get me wrong I still like my pictures and my journaling. I am all about mini books and getting a story told that way. Doing a layout/page just doesn't appeal to me anymore. This isn't something that has happened overnight rather I have been feeling this way for a welll....quite a while now. I just feel like I have this stuff just to have it. I buy kits, paper, mags, embellishments etc etc in hopes this stuff will make me feel happy and fulfilled. It just doesn't work anymore. I sit down and the total opposite happens. I get depressed and feel empty. I feel like what I am trying to do is sugar coated and fake. My life is many ways feels hollow. At one time I used to love the whole process of scrapping. I know find that it was the friendships and creative process with these people that made me a decent scrapper. Now well I do it at home and it just isn't as fun as it used to be. Its empty and lonely. I don't have people to bounce creative ideas off of. I truly miss my scrap group from CA. I have yet to find that here. I know its because I have kids that I am now raising on my own. I don't have the that group of people that inspire me. I still love taking pictures of the boys and having those memories for them to have. I keep asking myself... are they really going to care 20yrs down the road if I did the perfect "layout" of them and these pictures and memories. Or can I still capture what it is I want to preserve with them being in a simple album and just a few things like a journaling box and a few simply placed embellishment. I don't need hundreds....who am I kidding it most likely is thousands of dollars worth of scrap supplies. In all honest all I really need is the pictures, a album, a pen and maybe a few sheets of paper. I don't really, glitter, buttons, acrylic, paints, brads, stickers ,...ect ect to tell the story that I want to tell. I certainly don't need the mags and idea books that I get to tell my story either. I feel like my story should be simple and not full of material things. I try and teach this to the boys that you don't need things to make you happy and yet I continue to find me buying more and more supplies in hopes that it will make me happy .....when in honesty today I have learned it is doing the exact opposite.


Anonymous said...

WOW Heather I could have written much of your post! I am feeling the same way about all the scrapping "stuff" I have accumulated. I buy to fill the void and yet it never works. I have found making cards is working to keep me creative -- I like the finished product! I totally know what you mean about no scrapping buddies - -I'm in the same boat!! Ok babbled enough -- just knwo you aren't alone. Blessings and Hugs!!(zappycm)

Anonymous said...

Heather _ I'm there with you! I actually have tome to scrap now that My son is a little older...but I don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I find myself organizing more than I am anything else. Good luck to you. Natalie

emelyn said...

I totally know how you feel, Heather!! I get sick to my stomach to see how much *stuff* I have! I have been purging like a crazy mad woman. And hopefully by the end of summer my stash will really be decent! HUGS, girl. You do great work, I've seen it and it's beautiful!! I wish you can come over this way for a visit one day!! Bring the kids, they are the same age as my kids, they can hang out!!